WARNING! BUCKLE UP PEOPLE – THERE’S COLOURFUL LANGUAGE AHEAD!
I became very well aware back in my 30’s that I apparently cared just a bit too much! Cared too much about what people felt, what they thought – about me and everything else, what bothered them, what other people thought, said and did to them/about them. I gave a F*^K about EVERY FUCKING THING – and more often than not, it was to my own detriment.
I blamed my mother! From a very young age she taught me “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” and while I know lots of people have had the same lesson drilled into them, I must have taken it to whole new level. As childhood, gave way to becoming a teenager, then an adult I was unable to speak up for myself, unable to ignore people’s feelings and unkind words about me and others and eventually become the ultimate people pleaser! I just wanted to be liked by everyone. It became a disability of sorts!
It wasn’t until last year (2014) when Alex (my son) died that I learnt a very valuable lesson about the art of giving a fuck! Now don’t get me wrong here – I’m NOT looking for sympathy – I’m simply using this situation as an example!
When Alex died, my whole world collapsed around me. I was DEVASTATED. I was NOWHERE – and it took EVERYTHING, and every ounce of energy I had (which was fuck all) to survive! Reality check time!
LESSON # 1 ~ When you go through something really big (like losing a child for example) you realise pretty quickly that NOTHING ELSE compares. That all the hardships you’ve been through in the past, all the that things have been said about you or done to you or someone else just pale in comparison! Question – have I been caring too much about things I shouldn’t?
If fucks were currency, Alex’s sudden death emptied my entire bank account – and then some! I had NO fucks left to give. ZERO… about anything or anyone! My account was in the RED (BIG time)!
As the months slowly passed, and life around me started to return to normal various situations cropped up that required me to start making choices again…like whether to give a fuck or not. Given that I had ZERO fucks left to give, it was then that I got reality check #2. How long had been overspending my fucks?
LESSON # 2 ~ We have a CHOICE as to whether we do or don’t give a fuck! Simple as that! Life is all about making choices – including giving a fuck about something, and it was time for me to start taking responsibility for my fucks and being more mindful with how I spent them!
In that moment, I decided to explore this concept a little deeper and see how I could apply it in a positive way…and so the Art of Fuck Giving was born!
Here are 5 cold hard FACTS ABOUT FUCKS!
- I mentioned above about “if fucks were currency….” – well guess what? They ARE! They’re like money in the bank – and a valuable commodity.
- We can CHOOSE whether we wish to trade our Fuck $$$ or not!
- Like anything else we CHOOSE to buy or invest in, we do it on an EMOTIONAL basis, a NEED basis, or a WANT basis. Spending Fucks is no different!
- When we choose to spend/invest our fucks, we are withdrawing from our Fuck Account – thereby reducing the amount of fucks we have left to spend.
- Like everything else in life, it is much easier to SPEND fucks than to EARN new fucks, making them very valuable commodities! We should spend the wisely!
Now that we have this knowledge, how can we apply these FUCK FACTS to improve our own lives? How do we learn to NOT give so many fucks?
First we need to look at some of the situations that crop up throughout our day and life that require us to make a choice about whether to spend a fuck or not! To do this, I established a set of Fuck Criteria – ie situations and events that were either Fuckworthy or NON Fuckworthy! This is something each of us have to do individually based on our own lives, but there are of course some standard situations that fit into both categories – death of a loved one is fuckworthy. Separation/divorce is fuckworthy. Someone saying that dress looks shit on you should be a NON fuckworthy event. Deep down I think we all KNOW what are fuckworthy and NON fuckworthy events, so sit down quietly somewhere and THINK! Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle of the page and create your own list of Fuckworthy and NON Fuckworthy events and situations. Then put it somewhere safe. Take a copy and keep it in your wallet if you need to keep yourself in check. You may find that some situations fall somewhere between the two – and that’s OK. These become Moderately Fuckworthy!
Next we need to open a Fuck Account and make a deposit, and the amount you deposit will depend on how good or bad you are at giving fucks already. You can choose whether you wish to set up a monthly or annual Fuck Contract, and will make deposits to your account on that basis. Be honest with yourself! Do you give a fuck daily, three times a week, once a week, monthly? Now reduce the average number of fucks you believe you give by at least 30% and deposit that amount to your new Fuck Account.
* I have an Annual Fuck Contract and in January this year made a deposit of 52 Fucks (ie 1 fuck p/week). My current balance (as at October 1st) is 40 Fuck $$$. I’ve been VERY mindful of spending my fucks and therefore have kicked some fuck giving ass! So next year (2016) I am REDUCING my deposit by another 50% to only 26 Fuck $$$ (ie 1 fuck per fortnight).
This is where the “mindful” thing kicks in! Every time you feel that urge to spend a fuck – STOP! Now take a minute to think about the situation! Is a fuckworthy or NON fuckworthy situation/event? If you need to, refer to your Fuckworthy Criteria list before you make the choice – then ask yourself 2 questions. “Do I really want to spend some of my valuable Fuck $$$ on this?” and if so, “HOW MANY Fuck $$$ is it worth?” It might be a relatively small thing that’s worth 1 Fuck $$$, or it might be something huge that’s worth many Fuck $$$. How much you choose to spend on it, is up to you!
KEEP A RUNNING BALANCE of your Fuck Account. Keep track of your deposits and withdrawals. You can do this by buying a small notebook that you carry with you. In the front keep your running balance, and in the back jot down the date of each of the situations you have made choices about and what decision you made. This will provide great feedback on how your Fuck Giving is going!
TERMS & CONDITIONS:
- UNUSED Fucks will NOT be credited or rolled over to the next month or year. Monthly deposits have a 30 day expiry, and annual deposits expire after 12 months.
- You will need to deposit new Fuck Credits to your account each month or year (depending on your Fuck Contract) in order to have Fucks to spend.
If you follow these 4 simple steps, I can almost guarantee that you will see an IMMEDIATE IMPROVEMENT in how often you choose to give a fuck or not!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this article (in all it’s colourful glory) and look forward to YOU joining the conversation below – and let me know how your fucking giving is going over at on my Facebook page!
Until next time….
<3 Cherene x